Quite a title, huh? Yes, it is possible. Don’t worry. I wont advise you here about what is impossible. Your first thought might be along the lines of “Love. Are you KIDDING ME?!” Your next thought might be, who is writing an article with this title? Yes, I am a divorce attorney. However, through my 20 plus years of practice I know that it is possible to deal with Divorce with Love even when the other side may feel differently. If you a re contemplating a divorce, have been through one or are going through one, please bear with me as I hope to shed some light to hopefully empower you.
I suggest that the biggest obstacle people face during a divorce is the problem. Yes, the biggest problem is the problem! Here you are shaking your head again, right? So, allow me to explain. You are focused on the problems that have led you to get a divorce and not focused on the solutions. Lets say you are married for ten years and have two children. You and your spouse have been fighting for three years regularly and the example of love you both show the children is not what you had in mind ten years ago. As a matter of fact, your spouse is interested in another person and you feel unfulfilled daily. What are the problems in your marriage? How do you feel about those problems? Hopefully, you have at least both tried counseling. If you haven’t, stop reading this article and do whatever it takes to find solutions to save your marriage.
When you have experienced such loss to lead you to get a divorce, it may be very difficult NOT to focus on the problem. But, you see, the problem is not the solution. The problems have led you here, but it is a focus on solutions that can lead you to go past your divorce and live a life that you can enjoy.
I suggest the starting point of such a set of solutions is LOVE. Love of yourself, love of your children, love of others around you (including, possibly, your spouse). It is this affirmative mindset that will lead you to take healthy actions to start a new beginning and obtain new solutions now that your prior relationship has evolved or disappeared. The main question to ask is “What’s next?” Ask yourself what is it that you affirmatively want for you and your family? Seek assistance in achieving those goals. Don’t lose sight of the love you have and the love you will have. That affirmative focus and vision on what you really want to have in your life is a lot more empowering than looking backwards at all the mistakes that either your spouse or you made. You can’t change the past, but you can write the future you want.
It takes two people to fight. It doesn’t take two people to make one person happy. If you are really struggling with love as a starting point to move on, then I suggest forgiveness. Forgiveness of your spouse and/or of yourself and/or whoever you think has contributed to your current woes.
I don’t mean to sound flippant as though my suggestions are easy. Divorce is heart-breaking. Yet, divorce, as many people can tell you, can also be a new beginning. I know many people married for a second time who find a lot of happiness and a lot of love. M. Scott Peck began his book, “The Road Less Traveled,” with an expression that was something like this: “Life is difficult. Once you accept that premise, life is a lot easier.” I believe that if you can deal with the process of divorce with love, it becomes a lot easier to manage and recover from. You can still have your parameters that you do not allow to ex your cross without sacrificing your core values and the love you have for yourself and/or your children. To do that, it helps greatly to focus on what’s next and not on what is behind you.
Scott J. Brook, Esquire
Scott J. Brook P.A.
2855 N. University Drive, Suite #510
Coral Springs, FL 33065